Emotional Vampires

Vampires are real and they can suck the life force from you! Toxic people or Emotional vampires are very real and we deal with them pretty much through out our entire lives in various ways. Most of us know at least one and many of us know and deal with them daily. Like traditional vampires who come out in the dark, emotional vampires feed on the dark side of people. Like attracts like and when your energy is at their level they will feed off of you until they are so fat and happy with negative glee and leave you lying there all strung out, defenseless and depleted of all energy. Sometimes, they can even have such control over you that you become one of them. Be careful, very careful.

Who are they and where do they live?

They can be family members, co-workers, bosses, neighbors, friends, customers/clients and therefore they too can live with you, work with you, hangout with you and do business with you.

In my own life I have experienced many of these vampires and have learned how to avoid them or deal with them in ways that leave me in a better place. I have dealt with the boss vampire, a co-worker vampire, client/customer vampire, several so called friend vampires and a family vampire (which for my own safety will not discuss here!) I hope to help you identify vampires in your life and give you positive suggestions and spiritual solutions in dealing with them. I want to point out here, that it took me a lot of lessons to finally accept that these people really do exist. I have given so many people the benefit of the doubt, or made excuses for them etc., that finally after many tough experiences and soul searching I have learned they do. I thought for a long time that my so called friends and family could never do that because I would never do that to them. That being, steal my boyfriends, abandon me in times of need, belittle me, compete with me, steal from me, cheat on me, hurt me physically and emotionally, crush my dreams, control me and the list went on.  The lessons I have learned is that not everyone has our best interest at heart and that we are the one’s that are responsible for us and our happiness and well being. If we take care of us then we can take care of others from the best mental, emotional, physical and spiritual center of our being. When we stop looking to others for love and approval and look to ourselves and God for it, these toxic people stop showing up to teach us these lessons.

How do you feel?

One of the easiest and most important ways to know for sure that you are dealing with an emotional vampire/toxic person is to notice how you feel when you are with them, before you are about to see them or after they have left.  Emotional vampires will cause you to feel and or be anxious, stressed, tired, angry, depleted, shamed, stifled, shame, suspicious, un-equal and fearful.  Negative feelings in general are what they give off and feed off.  I want to point out here something I strongly believe. Love, impersonal or personal does not grant anyone the right to treat you or you them badly. In other words, if you are putting up with it because it is my ________ who is family or is my friend and there fore they don’t mean it, really. These vampires know what they are doing and if they really don’t realize they are doing it then they are mentally ill. Most of us know when we are being mean, it doesn’t feel good. Don’t stand for excuses or empty apologies.

Types of Emotional Vampires:

There are quite a few “types’ when you break it down. However, I am listing a few that we tend to deal with on a daily basis.

Emotional Wreck: This person is constantly in a state of emotional and mental confusions, drama, excitement, depression…they just can’t seem to keep themselves or their life in order without DRAMA.

Putdown Artist: No matter what you can rely on this person to slam you at each turn. They put you and anything you do down and usually really enjoy doing it in front of others.

The Hater: He/She is always hating on you or anyone that they perceive is better than them; richer, skinner, fatter, nicer, more successful, better house, car, life in general.

The Blamer: Everyone else it to blame for their problems or problems in general. Life sucks for them because everyone else keeps them down. They will usually say things like, “If it weren’t for those ______ things would be so much better.” Or “If it wasn’t for ______ I would be better.”

Moochers: These people are constantly borrowing from you – everything from a stick of gum to money. Like you want a stick of gum back! Anyway, they will suddenly come down with memory loss when it comes time for payback in money or favors.

Gossip Girl/Guy: Never do they have anything to say that isn’t salacious, bad news, judgments of others and pointing the bad in everyone and everything.

Bullies: No matter what age we are these nasty people seem to be around us at one time or another school, work, and socially. A bully loves to hurt, humiliate and dominate those that are weaker than themselves.

Manipulators: These are cunning tricksters that are sometimes hard to see at first. They are masters of deception and subterfuge to gain control over you.

Self-Destructor: This is friend or family member is dead set on bringing you down with them if you stick around and enable them. They are the alcoholic, party-holic, drug addict, etc.

The Downer: Always in a sour mood. Life sucks for them and they will let you know it. Think about that skit from Saturday Night Live with Debbie Downer. Funny as it is on television we all know that in real life that kind of person is so not fun or funny!

The Love Stealer: This person generally is your “friend”. They know all about you, your history, family etc. they have shared some good times with you but all along for them it is just a means to an end which is to get your partner or spouse in bed with them. This person wants you to know that they are better than you because they could have had your partner and you can’t hold them. They don’t necessarily want your partner they want the control over you. They know no boundaries.

If you still haven’t figured out if you are around or involved with any of these creatures here are a few warning signs:

• Excessively nice or friendly to everyone, to the extent that it is phony. This is to lure their victims into their world for them to feed off.
• Perpetual doom and gloom attitude and or moods
• Constantly making snide remarks to you or in general
• Almost all conversations with them start off with negative or bad news which they quick deflect or diffuse by saying “Oh I didn’t really mean that…”
• You feel drained, sad, mad or depressed when with them, before you know you have to see or talk to them and after you have left them

Most emotional vampires or toxic people are mentally ill on some level and they are miserable and self loathing. You cannot fix them or talk to them about their ways because they never see that they are wrong. It will always go back on you and the vicious circle continues. Do not enable them by having a “discussion” about how they are acting. They will not get it.

No Garlic or Crucifixes Needed:

In dealing with and or getting rid of emotional vampires the best thing to do is sever the relationship. However, I know this is not always practical because many of them are family members or co-workers, possibly bosses or spouses. My suggestion is to always keep things on a professional, non-personal, cordial level. Conversations should never include personal information. This includes weaknesses, fears, worries or even positive things like a promotion, raise, new this or that. Keep it strictly professional. If they start to gossip or try to lure you in by some “juicy” bit, which always starts out with “Don’t tell anyone but……” At this point, kindly change the subject or excuse yourself politely.

The main thing to remember is the less you engage them and the less attention you give them the quicker they will lose interest. On a spiritual level if you keep yourself at a positive energy level above them they will be less attracted to you because they are operating at a low frequency energy level. Like attracts like is true for this situation as it is for all things in the universe.

Many Blessings,

Cheri